Pictures - Ouch : (

I just looked through our blog after posting my post 5 minutes ago and saw 3 or 4 pictures of our home in Washington. Ouch, that hurt! I'm glad we are gone but we don't have a home now and our babies were all born there. We had a settled life there. We're not settled now and it seemed so strange but painful to see those pictures. I don't think I will look at those pictures for a good, long time until we are settled into a new home. : (

Pennsylvania

We are now in Lewistown, Pennsylvania. We will be heading towards Amish Country tomorrow to see if it is a place we would like to call home. Kentucky was as fast paced and self centered as Washington State with no Southern hospitality that we could see. Here in Pennsylvania which is a State we have looked at and looked at again and again for over three years, it is the most gorgeous State we have ever seen. And it's Winter now! The homes in our price range out do Kentucky by miles. You can buy a 5+ bedroom farm home with good acreage and a barn - a gorgeous home, for a good price here. The State is very, very clean compared to Kentucky where they had junk cars and garbage, etc... every few homes it seemed. Matthew and I both feel we could find a home here and settle in quite well. Though the home schooling laws are one of the most extensive on the testing, etc.... we have come to the decision that that does not take precedence over a good place to live anymore. Anyways, I have a friend who lives in Amish Country whom I talked with last night and it sounds like such a good place to live as we share many of the beliefs of the people there... the Anabaptists and the Mennonites though the Mennonites may not accept us because of our past of marriage before, which is sad because we repented and came to the marriage alter pure. A church should focus on where one is today, not where one was yesterday. Jesus accepted ones who murdered but repented and did right all their days thereafter.

It sounds like many in those Counties considered Amish country work from their homes, which is what we will continue doing once we settle.... selling eggs, chickens, etc... I would love to learn how to make cheese one day. I hope we can find community there and some people to fellowship with. If Amish country is not where we feel the Lord wants us, we will very likely stay in Pennsylvania. I hope to have some maple trees on our property so we can tap them for making syrup. I love the four seasons and would anticipate each season with joy.

The kids are doing wonderful! They have adjusted to their new schedule. We have adjoining rooms here at Motel 8 and everybody is asleep but me. I am so glad to be here. I really think we will be settling down here. I hope so. We may be looking at a couple of homes in Newport and Fannettsburg. I'll see about taking some pictures. Goodnight.

Heading to Kentucky

We have gone through much of the Eastern side of Kansas and our hearts are just not here. They have gone back to the beginning, the small farming communities we found a couple of years ago in Southern Kentucky. Our truck is out of commission and we have decided it best for Matthew to buy another good, used truck so we can finish our drive. We are in Holton Kansas right now at the Red Roof Inn with adjoining rooms for only around $350.0o a week, we are pleased. We stayed at Value Place in Topeka and found it to be filthy... I found a dead cockroach in the kitchen drawer. I'll spare the rest of the details. I bought another camera and will post pictures sometime later when we have the time. Anyways, it looks like we'll be heading through Missouri tomorrow and into Kentucky the following day. Please pray for our travels. It's been very hard on us all but not terrible. We have all of our needs provided for. And the pregnancy is going well. I'm just starting to feel sick. : )

We're in Kansas

We arrived 2 nights ago. Our camera is lost and I believe it is in an Arizona rest stop, but that's okay. I think it's God's way of showing us we don't need to see our journey here so much but where we are now. We are staying in a short term residence/hotel called Value Place. It will do for now. We looked at the home yesterday and it was not what we thought it to be. We will be looking at two homes today in Emporia to rent month to month for now so we can have our belongings sent there from Washington. The truck leaves our old residence today as a matter of fact. The kids are doing very well under the circumstances. I am very excited about our future and just so glad to be gone from Aberdeen and to be here. People are so much more courteous, respectful and kind outside of Washington. It will do us good for our souls. I'll try to pick up a cheap camera here in the next day or two. Thank you for your prayers of safety... I'll share more later.

Closing Date: Friday January 6th, 2012

Due to the delays with the holidays, our closing date has been changed to January 5th, 2012. So, we'll leave then and take lots of pictures along the way. Now that everything is packed into the trailer except our furniture, I will have to figure out what to do to keep busy until then. Oh, the time is ever so slow. : )

It's only been a few days but the pregnancy is still progressing. With my age and some miscarriages, we wait it out day by day now.

There's a home in Northeast Kansas that is an old, country, Victorian home on 20 acres that we are very interested in buying. It has dark wood and floors throughout the home, 5 bedrooms and the price is shockingly low. We would have to have a 2nd bathroom put in, but how fun to do things the way you want on a home. If this is the home for us from the Lord, I can't wait to put wallpaper throughout the home. I love wallpaper in old homes. The best part is we get to move in there now as the owners agreed to let us rent from them month to month (as it's sitting there empty) with no obligation to buy. If we find the home is what we believe it to be, we will not have to move again but start the process of purchasing the home. I can't wait to ride bikes with the kids out front on the country road, go for walks and enjoy the weather and people there. We are so excited!

Christmas Blessing

I woke early this Christmas morning and decided to take a pregnancy test, even though it's about 4 days early. Both tests showed that we have another one on the way. May the Lord sustain this one. May we quietly meditate upon the Lord this day. It is full. Even amidst brokenness, life can be full. Thank You Lord. You are dear to us.

Underneath It All

I had a tragedy occur nearly 9 years ago. It isn't only "what" happened to me that's so horrible, it's "how" it happened. Part of it was being misunderstood about my beliefs. I can tell you that some years ago when I used to read the news on the internet that I read that this same thing happened to another woman. While her mother and sister were driving home, she quietly opened the van door and jumped out onto the highway, killing herself. I cried for days as I understood her loss and depth of pain. I know "what" happened to her, though I don't know "how" and even she couldn't bear the pain.

I share this after many years of blogging because though we have a beautiful life, I am in a deep sense of mourning and pain, day after day. Some could say that I have such a beautiful family and I should not be in despair. But, I say that Job was in despair even though he had more in his latter days than in his beginning. It didn't take the pain away from losing everything that was meaningful to him. Joseph was hated and thrown into the pit. He still loved his family for years. And deeply. And my Jesus from the beginning when this tragedy occurred... It was the first time I was able to truly relate to His great pain of loving mankind and yet receiving their cruel hatred unto death. His love never waned. I understand this deeply. Some could say, "You need to forgive and then healing will occur." I have forgiven from the beginning and not returned evil for evil. Listen to me, you cannot hate your enemies no matter how cruel if you pray for them. It is impossible. If you have hatred in your heart for another individual upon this earth, then it is because you do not pray for them until your hatred turns to begging for them to enter the Kingdom of God one day.

If you are a praying man or woman, please pray for our family. I desperately want our children to be raised with a mother who is full of joy, but this sorrow and pain presses me daily. My hope is bleak, my days are dark, my heart is heavy. Time does not do anything for it. I know the saints that are named and unnamed have felt such pain before, many until their death. Read the Scriptures, read biographies of godly men and women who suffered for many years. Most of it was in spirit and soul until they finally were martyred in the flesh at the end. David cried out. This is common among many saints. Loneliness, betrayal and being misunderstood. There's no greater pain. But, the Lord gives us Words, personal Words to comfort his saints. He is the only hope to people such as me, before and after.

We waited for over 5 years to move. Five years ago I believed the move would alleviate most of my pain. I know now that nothing will alleviate this pain until death. Even full justice or restitution upon this earth cannot help a heart that has been troubled and saddened this long. And that is okay. I believe that the Lord really listens to the prayers of those who plead for their enemies. I have great hope to see those I have spoken about in Heaven one day. It will truly be my most tearful day. Flowing tears of gratitude towards my Creator.

Moving to Kansas

I've been waiting for some time now for all things to go through before announcing that we are finally moving - and to Kansas! Why Kansas? First, because the Lord has led us there through prayer. Second, because nobody else wants to move there. We're thinking that Missouri, Tennessee and Kentucky will be even too fast for us. We're looking for what the world sees as boring as we tire from the fast, evil affairs of the world. It appears there's still some good, kind folks back in Kansas.

We'll be heading out December 30th and we'll be driving the Southern Route. I'll take some pictures along the way (if I can remember). We'll be heading to Burlingame, just South of Topeka. We have found a home we are very, very interested in purchasing. Since we need a place to land, my husband called about us going to this home and renting month to month since we need somewhere to go anyways. We will then see about purchasing the home. Maybe we won't have to move again.

Some things I have discovered about Kansas in my research: It is not all flat, gold prairie land. The North East part in which we will be going is full of rich farm lands and lots and lots of green. It is gorgeous. Flint Hills is another beautiful place with gorgeous green hills full of flowers. Someone likened these areas of Kansas to France. Tornadoes... we are not concerned too much about the tornadoes. I am sure we are much more likely to perish from a car accident than from a deadly tornado. Most people in Kansas have never even seen a tornado or the cloud formations preceeding one.

Anyways, here's some pictures of the progress over here:

Daddy's barn coming along nicely

One last picture I took of our working field

It's already starting to look vacant to me

The trailer. My husband cancelled it the other day as we were supposed to be closing on the home on December 16th (big delays, I'll spare the details), but they drove it out here by mistake anyways. They are leaving it here with no extra charge to us. You should have seen the man turn this huge 28 footer around in our driveway here. Anyways, the girls are having so much fun playing in the trailer. It was a cold, cold day so we put them in their snow suits.

(I'll try to edit these underlines later)

To see the size of this trailer, look at how little the front porch looks (with my husband on it) compared to it.

My poor husband. Here the trailer was dropped off two weeks early and at this moment we still had not the appraisal in for the house. Though all is fine now, he's getting more and more nervous. He shared with me this evening how much he wants the betterment for our family to move to Kansas. He really loves us.

Here's a picture of a frosty morning I took the other day. It reminded me of Kansas somehow.

All the kids eating breakfast and peering out the window at mama running who's around outside with the camera.

Matthew and the Onion

I set a box of home grown onions out the back door to go through later on. I found Matthew eating one a few hours later. He didn't seem to mind the hotness of it. : )

Random Baby Pictures

Here are some random baby pictures of Miriam taken a month or two ago.

Organic Food

We sat down for taco salad for dinner one evening and I spied a slug crawling out of my salad. I took a quick picture, placed him outside and proceeded to finish my meal. : ) I guess this is the biggest drawback to eating our own, organic vegetation. I can live with that though.

The Two Babies

Here's baby Miriam and her sister baby Leah.

Watermelon

My husband can grow anything if he has a hothouse. He grew this watermelon as well as many more in one of the darkest, wettest parts of the State of Washington. He is gifted to farm.

Last Summer

Though these are posted a bit late, here are some pictures of our harvest last Summer. Here's Elisabeth standing amidst the pumpkin patch.

Home Grown Cantaloupes

Here are some home grown cantaloupes that my husband grew last Summer. They are so delicious. We still have some frozen in our freezer for our yogurt shakes. They are going quickly now though.

Pickin' Peas...

Our little boy has been picking peas. See for yourself!

Fresh Basil

This was some of the basil we harvested throughout the Summer. We froze much and are still using it, and I made a quart of basil oil. It is so aromatic and delicious.

Happy Birthday Hannah

Happy Birthday Hannah. Yes, these a quite late on posting these but your birthday was just 10 days after Miriam was born. : ) Happy Birthday sweetie!

Matthew and Momma

Here's some pictures of Matthew and Momma.

Sick Daddy

Daddy was sick a month ago or so. The kids put all their stuffed animals around daddy to make him feel better.

Baby Miriam

Here are some pictures of baby Miriam months 2 to 3 or so...

This is a true picture of how she looks on a daily basis. She is the sweetest baby.

Pumpkins

We have hundreds and hundreds of pounds of pumpkins from our crop this year. We've eaten much including pumpkin pies and pumpkin yogurt shakes in the morning, and given away much. Fed a lot to the birds and still don't know what to do with our abundance of pumpkins. This is just one fiftieth of what we probably had.

You're Two!

Oh, little Leah. How is it so that you are already two years old? I remember going to my appointment two years ago and because I was bleeding again, they did an ultrasound and decided to pull you out by c-section that day. You are so loving and tender. I love all of you for your uniqueness from God about you. You are so precious. Here are some pictures from your 2 year old birthday day!!!

These were taken October 28th 2011.

Eating a delicious nectarine cake mommy made for you that morning.

Pretty, happy baby girl.