I Cried...

As we crossed over the boundaries of Pennsylvania into Ohio today I cried. It was the most beautiful State that either of us had been in. We had looked at Pennsylvania and considered it for a few years so we were anticipating much. The beauty and splendor even in the Winter months was a wonder to behold. The valleys of beautiful trees and rivers with open fields of farms with white houses and barns down below made our hearts stir. We thought surely this would be a place to settle into as our hearts warmed to the beautiful land in Pennsylvania and quiet looking towns off of the Highway. But soon man's print of sin started to reveal itself in huge billboards of "adult" clubs with lewd pictures and "adult" stores. Everywhere. Nearly every town and every 3 miles it seemed to be. We never saw these grand billboards in Washington State. And only one of "those" places in 1 town out of many. It was so populous that we could not drive to go look at a home without seeing about 20 to 40 huge pictures or buildings with their huge advertisements. I cried last night as this land was the most beautiful I had seen but I didn't want to live in a place with such lewdness. I knew I couldn't when I didn't have to. Matthew was just as shocked as he had never seen this in California from where he grew up. The presence was too strong and we found that this is how it is along the whole East side of the States. So, we submitted to what we knew was best for our family and children and are heading back to the middle States - flyover country, to Iowa. Hopefully, it will not have the same images and suggestions so bold as we have seen in Pennsylvania and other States. So, I cried today as we crossed the border. I never cried when I left Washington. But our hearts were really taken by Pennsylvania and it's beautiful appearance of such peace.

I felt foolish the other day too as we started driving upon Lancaster. I had no idea of the size of the city (and surrounding areas). I had not done any research so I did not know. We drove miles and miles through complete traffic and city on the freeway that I wouldn't have a clue where the Amish were and frankly did not care anymore at that point. The world was so thick and heavy, it would drown out the poor Amish, Anabaptist or Mennonite communities there. We drove South a ways and found ourselves amidst the city chaos still and decided to turn around and head back to our hotel.

So, we believe that the Lord has been showing us some things on this journey.... much of what we don't want in a place to live and raise our children and hopefully die. He knows the desires of our hearts and has opened our eyes to the reality of some places we really considered and prayed about living over the years. We are both glad we have looked into all these places and believe this is all not for nothing. And we have both agreed not to just buy a home for quick relief of this temporary lifestyle. We don't want "buyers remorse" as Matthew's brother puts it. We just want what's best in a polluted land and time and we think the middle States are as good as it gets for now. So, back we go to where we originally headed nearly a month ago. It is different there because we've been there. Please keep us in your prayers. It's heartbreaking... the losing of Leah's blanket I made for her, Matthew's little white dog he has carried around and slept with as a baby. We shed a tear and then pick up and move on. The fears as this morning when we went to fill up the vehicles with gas and found our cards wouldn't work. Our bank is still in Washington State. We tried another station and still could not use the cards. They had put a hold on the funds because of something that was returned to them from our address saying we no longer lived there. All was fixed in an hour but there's such a vulnerability when you don't have a home. I'm just so grateful that we have a place to stay each night, a decent night's sleep every night, that we are all safe and healthy and have money to be able to do this. The thing we miss the most is my cooking. We miss the quality of the healthy foods so much. And though we eat yogurt and salad, carrot juice or carrots, bananas, etc... you can only do so much. A lot goes when you live like this and we have adapted alright. We planned on doing another load of laundry tonight as Matthew does each night and found this hotel does not have a laundry room on their facility. I have salsa on my dress from this evening and my only other dress, Matthew tipped the baby oatmeal all over the bed this morning by accident and so of course it got all over my other dress while I was trying to help him. So, I just sponged off my salsa dress tonight and will wear it tomorrow I guess. : )

I have my day about once a week and I feel it's from the Lord, where I just have to stay put and rest. I cannot look at homes or get on the road to another area or State. I pray more that day and lay quietly. A woman has a need to stay put. Yesterday was that day. Lots of crying off and on with confusion about staying in Pennsylvania or trying another area within the State. I was angry and sad until Matthew mentioned heading back to that area again. Now I feel peace and just pray we all get there safely. I just don't want to lose any of us on the road on this journey. We have so little in our control. Well, it's getting late and my mind is getting tired. I miss my time with the Lord and the kids so much.